Inner Demons
by Ree
Summary: Not your typical "Daisuke angst" story. No suicide or cutting. PG for angst theme.


I wrote this yesterday after thinking about stuff. See, in the non-dubbed version of "Davis Cries Wolfmon," Tortomon peed in the stream. That's why Davis wanted him to wash his hands. This is just my mind working in overtime. I know I haven't written anything in so long, but I felt like writing this. Oh how I miss 02…

Standard disclaimer: 

_Oranges are orange,_

_The sun is too…_

_I don't own Digimon, so_

_Please don't sue._

Inner Demons

Have you ever heard the saying "everybody has their own inner demons"? Well, you have now, and it's true. Everyone's got some problem, no matter what they say or how they act. Everyone has some kind of a mask. I should know.

It really confuses me, why _I_ was the one who didn't get pulled into MaloMyotismon's mind games. Everyone else was pulled in, and yet, I, Daisuke "Davis" Motomiya, was the only one who didn't go under his spell. 

I guess I should back up a few months, back to around April. See, here in Japan, our school system is different. We start in April and get a few weeks off for the summer. Then we go back for the rest of the year until around December or January. My first trip to the Digital World was in April, and it was sometime after that when my problems got worse.

I have obsessive-compulsive disorder and I have panic attacks. I'm sure you're wondering what that is. It's a condition based on phobias and anxieties, and it can ruin your life. It doesn't make you weird or a freak. It can happen to anyone. You can appear normal in public, but it eats you up inside. And it can make you depressed easily, and sometimes makes you extra-sensitive to things. I'm an extremist, so it's even harder for me. All or nothing.

I can't remember where it started…first I had these annoying little habits, then they blew up into so much more. The biggest thing was the hand-washing – that's why I wore those big gloves as part of my Digital World ensemble. It got so bad that my hands looked like they'd been through a chemical burn process, and they cracked and bled everywhere. I had to make sure I washed my hands before going to lunch, after lunch, when I woke up, before I went to sleep, after I touched something that was dirty, and always, always, **always** after using the bathroom. If I didn't, I could really go psycho.

I remember when I was trying to get Veemon to digivolve…it was one of the stupidest things I've ever done in my existence in this world. It almost gave me a nervous breakdown. We saw Tortomon *ahem* peeing near the stream before we disturbed him. So when he was chasing us and finally caught us, it was tearing me up inside. All the while, I was thinking, 'He's dirty…if he touches me I'll be dirty too. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. He's dirty, he didn't wash his hands…he's dirty…'

I can't remember much else about that day except the way I went home, locked myself in my bathroom, and cried. I told DemiVeemon that I was okay, that nothing was wrong. The little guy bought it, lucky for me. Jun was out, stalking Yamato "Matt" Ishida as usual, and my parents were working long hours like they always do. It's just me and Jun around the apartment most of the time. We get along pretty good when we're not bickering or fighting. We both tend to get a little obsessive, but what's wrong with that?

Back around April, we were fighting a lot, almost every day, for reasons I can't remember. When she first met Matt and his little brother Takeru "TK" Takaishi, it scared me. When they told me about meeting her, my stomach began to do flips, and waves of nausea swept over me. I was so sure that she'd told them about me, everything about me. So I began to ramble, almost letting out my secret on my own. And when Matt, TK, and my old crush Hikari "Kari" Kamiya got mad at me, it just made it worse. Veemon tried everything to cheer me up, and it could have cost him his life. So I forced on a smile and told him I didn't need to be cheered up anymore. If anything had happened to him…oh, I don't even want to think about it. Veemon was my only friend for so long, the only person who knew me, and even he didn't really know me. He never really understood me and everything. He's so naïve.

I pursued Kari, Taichi "Tai" Kamiya's little sister for months, hoping she'd fall for me the way I fell for her. I mean, you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic. I really cared about her, because she was perfect…to me, at least. From her warm brown eyes to her pretty hair, everything about her was beautiful to me. She was perfect. I thought that if I could have her, I'd be a better person, that I wouldn't be such a freak to everyone. All she did was play with my heart, though, after TK came into the picture. I knew they were "meant for each other," but I couldn't give up. I couldn't. So everyone laughed at me, picked on me, for liking her. I never knew that liking someone could be so wrong. Who can blame me? It's not my fault that I fell for her. But no one else saw it that way. So for a long time, I was alone. No one understood or cared to try and understand me. That was the way it went.

I always knew that everyone had their own inner demons, but I never knew it so much until I met Ken Ichijouji. I was the first to forgive him after he fell from his position as the Digimon Kaiser, or as you knew of him as the Digimon Emperor. I knew there was more to it than just wanting to be in control of everything. You can't blame him, really. Answer me this – how many times have you wanted to be in control, be the boss? No one can say that they've never wished for that to be true. So much had happened to him, too. His brother Osamu "Sam" died, and he felt as though it was his fault. And then that Dark Spore embedded itself into him, allowing darkness to seep into his soul. It wasn't his fault at all. 

Ken showed me what true friendship was. He never judged me the way everyone else did; he never played games with my mind or broke my heart like so many did. He's always been honest, caring, and extremely loyal to his friends, especially me. The first time he ever spent the night at my house was a few weeks ago. I was so scared that he would find out, that he wouldn't understand, that he would think I was a freak. My stomach was in knots, and soon after I wished I hadn't invited him. But he was so excited, and his mom was so happy that he finally had friends…so there was no way I could take back my offer. Once he met my parents, and they were in awe that I had a friend like Ken, it made me feel worse. It was like I wasn't needed, like I wasn't good enough. That hurt. 

That night, after taking a long shower to soothe my nerves, I fell into a deep, rough sleep. I had a nightmare and woke up around 2 AM, screaming and crying. To top it all off, I wet the bed. Never in my life had I been so embarrassed. I thought Ken was going to laugh at me, and leave, never wanting to be near me again. But when I woke him up, he calmed me down, helped me change my sheets, and then he stayed up with me until around 5 AM, when I fell back asleep. He told me how he still has nightmares sometimes about losing Sam, and about all the things he did as the Emperor. He's never told anyone about that night, and I doubt he will. 

After Ken stayed over, I started feeling better inside, and I didn't get depressed as much. I wasn't so anxious, and the panic attacks became less frequent and less severe. I stopped being so jittery and hyperactive. I even stopped going after Kari. I stopped being such a "jerk" and acted more friendly. I got over most of my phobias, and my OCD slackened. My hands healed, and my heart began to heal as well.

Once all this happened, that annoying guy with the funky nose tried to take over both worlds. By then, I was getting sick of all the crap. It was the same thing – bad guy wants control. So I wasn't afraid, and I knew what we had to do. I knew we could do it. I had no doubts that we could beat him. Everyone else did, though. They all fell under his illusion attack, falling into their wishes. But I willed myself to not give up, and for Veemon to fight and not stop until the job was through. We rescued them all from their selves, and then, along with all the digidestined's help, we defeated the crazy digimon. Oikawa used his remaining strength to restore the beauty of the digital world. 

Things went back to normal within a few weeks…well, as normal as it gets for us. Mimi Tachikawa moved back here, to be closer to her friends, and the twelve of us have stuck together. No one seems to understand us the way we understand each other. We're all so close now. Ken even convinced his parents to transfer to Odaiba to be with us, so he lives in an apartment down the street from me now. Months have gone by now, and school is starting again two weeks from now. We're having a meeting today at Matt's apartment, the twelve of us. Nothing special, just hanging out and talking about the "good ol' days," just being together is enough. I notice as Tai gazes at Sora Takenouchi as she and Matt hold hands. TK and Kari are leaning against the couch, his arm around her shoulders. Mimi and Jyou "Joe" Kido keep giggling at each other, as if they have some secret. Koushiro "Izzy" Izumi actually left the laptop at home, and Iori "Cody" Hida is his usual serious self. Miyako "Yolei" Inoue keeps casting glances at Ken, but I don't think he notices, or cares. He told me he isn't interested in girls yet, he's just getting used to being friends with them. He said that in a few years, he'll be ready to date. I don't think they'd be good together because they're too different, so I'm not worrying yet. 

Like I said, everyone has their own inner demons. They might never go away, but with friends and happiness and fun, they don't seem so bad all the time. It's really amazing how one person can save you from yourself when no one else cares to try. 

I grin at everyone, knowing that this is real and true happiness. As they smile back, one by one, I know that everything will be okay. And as Ken grins back widely, I realize that no matter what, the sun _will_ come out tomorrow.

((el fin))

Well, that wasn't really angst, but it was no happy story either. So…well, that's it. Questions? Comments? Flames? Ramen noodles? Go ahead.


End file.
